growing

Okay, sometimes even thinking for yourself if hard(or going to the bathroom alone), much less having a spiritual life, bible time, prayers time. Then there is staying fit, and managing the home, raising kids, your marriage , friendships, for some lucky few..careers. j/k well, sort of. You get the drift, right? Anyway, I think as Christians, especially when we have young children we question1.) Are we making any difference in the world? 2.) What is our calling? 3.)Why are we here? 4.)Where is God? He might feel distant at times. We doubt our faith, We feel guilty BECAUSE we doubt our faith. 

But, picture it this way- Remember back to when you were a child. You were growing rapidly, right?!? Yes. And we didn’t feel it(most of the time). We didn’t notice. All of our relatives would say annoying things( not mine they were perfect) about “HOW MUCH WE HAD GROWN” since they had seen us last, how much we had changed. Now that we have children of our own, we see evidence of how fast kids grow every day, and yet it is unbeknownst to them. I think in our spiritual walk it can be the same. God is working and using us even when we can’t see it, feel it, and there is no evidence at that time—If our eyes and hearts are in the right place, And you know what, even if they aren’t because God is a God of mercy. He does good even we don’t deserve it. Even when we didn't earn earn the rewards we are about to receive. Meaning, I have been blessed a lot lately, by encouraging words from friends—something in my life impacted them in a positive way. That couldn’t make me happier. It isn’t me, it’s God. See I didn’t deserve that, but it spurs me on in growth. It’s like God just threw me an encouragement bone.

The trouble is we are so hard on ourselves. Kids don't cry because their feet didn’t change a whole size over night? Well, maybe sometimes. Keegan just asked me out of frustration while trying to reach his bike petals, “How can I grown longer legs?” Don’t think for a second I didn’t use that opportunity for an “eat your veggies” lecture ;-)

My point is, be encouraged. I’ve had more times then not that I didn’t feel anything magical, I felt far from God, I questioned my faith. And I think what feels more significant to me right now is not what he is working in hard times(which we know make us stronger) but also in the lukewarm times when we really don’t deserve his mercy. We choose that way. We are complacent and sometimes happy that way. Its lazy and it’s easy . It sounds like me at times. Actually, I can say in honestly this is where I mostly stay. Even when I’m the most “On fire for God” Is it really ever enough, probably not.  I feel like I am contradicting myself  a bit because I know that Revelations says, " But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! I’m not a Bible scholar so hopefully I haven't gotten this wrong, I think there are times he has done that to me.... Made me work to find him again. And then there are times I can say  that God has still found a way to use me, not because I am smart, or gifted, or knowledgeable. I don’t know really why, except for the fact I'm forgiven, I know I'm a sinner and I'm trying. AND HE SHOWS MERCY AND LOVE.

Mothering and trials isn’t an excuse to not try, to not grow, to not strive for greatness and to serve God, but we do need to scale back remember he entrusted us with the care of our children, and it is a good and perfect gift. The little days are numbered and the small things no ones sees matter big.  If you miss three church services, and you don’t read you Bible, but you heart longs to be close to him, he knows and it’s covered.