day by day

Ever have those days where you feel you are failing as a parent? Um , this stuff ain’t easy. As my Facebook status read today “

parenting is HARD WORK...Anyone who says it isn't a.) is a liar b.) has a child under the age of two.”

So if you are still in the beautiful stages of late night feedings and endless diapers, well as the say in the south “bless your little heart”. If you are past that stage, Did you ever think you were going to miss those day? I didn’t, well I knew I would miss the boys being babies, but the sleep deprivation N.O. However, with each new challenge I sometimes find myself longing for a screaming infant that can’t talk back, can’t disrespect, can’t beg, can’t lie.  The challenges are so great, the responsibility so huge.  I don’t want my kids to just survive. I am doing a great job keeping them alive and clothed, I want more then that. I want them to know God, be giving, be loving, compassionate, respectful. Unfortunately, these things don’t just happen by osmosis.   To add to my feelings of urgency on getting it right is the fact this is it, not a practice run. One chance people. A wise friend once said,“You will get opportunities to do other things besides being a parent , but You only get one chance to raise your kids.”

I want to really try and fully comment myself to change where change is needed.  Say for instance, in the area of discipline. As we all know change is painful, so this isn’t a pleasant process, and honestly I feel like I'm not seeing any change. I find myself, saying “why didn’t I deal with this earlier?” Sometimes parenting feels like an uphill battle I can’t win. And when the situation really take a turn for the worse, not only do I want to give up, It leads me to start dreading the future. I mean how much harder can it get? A lot, I’m sure. I am trying to take these 7, and 4, and 1 and half year old behaviors in stride, knowing bigger heartaches are sure to come.  I pray for the boys. I hope their futures, and mine, are as painless as possible. I hope they have little hearts and minds that aren’t easily tempted to do the wrong thing, that they would have hearts to obey, and a desire to know God.

I was in a store with Asher and came across a mom explaining to her pre-teen daughter exactly what was expected of her, thinking she handled the situation quite well, I chuckled a “well done mom” chuckle and smiled at her…. I guess he didn’t take it that way, her response looking at Asher sleeping in his stroller , like a little lamb, was” You’ll be there one day too”. Why is it so often we think others aren’t there to support us? I feel the same so many times. Especially, with friends and or acquaintances who a. aren't as challenged by their children or b.) aren't as honest about their challenges. Now I'm not asking every one to go around complaining all the time about every little grievance we have with our lives or are children, but sometime it is so refreshing to be around a mom who can admit her struggles in parenting. How can we encourage or be encouraged if we don’t share the fact we are less then perfect?  Little did this lady in the store  know, I am way closer then she thinks to the issues she is dealing with.

By bedtime I started to get super frazzled getting caught up in the areas I feel I’ve messed up , Feeling in inadequate, Wondering how I, Sarah E Kuhn can raise three Godly men when I am so small and so human. Then  when I talking to friend, I said something about taking it “day by day”. I think I’ll take my own advice. At this moment in time I’m going to give my anxious heart over to God, he knows. And continue to take it a day at a time. Our kids are a work in progress just like us. and OUR INADEQUACIES? Well, thankfully they can’t stop God from his plans.  God, please give me the tools I need to raise three strong men.  Give me wisdom and strength beyond my understanding. Use them for something great and let the glory be yours . Amen.